Love can be exhilarating, but it can also be confusing. Reading this, I bet you must have gone through a moment where you have found yourself romanticizing everything about someone, but suddenly, you started thinking, “Wait, am I truly in love with them, or just the image I’ve created in my head?” It’s easy to get swept up in the charm of who we think they are, but how do we know if it’s the real deal? These tricky questions make it hard to distinguish between real feelings and idealized expectations in an intimate relationship. Let’s explore this together and find clarity.
How to Know If You’re Truly in Love with Them or Just the Idea of Them
It’s time to get real! Take a break from the hustle and bustle, and let’s dive into 6 ways to uncover the truth: are you in love with them, or just the idea?
1. You Feel There’s Something Missing
Sometimes our gut and our hearts know what our mind doesn’t want to admit. Our intuition is incredibly powerful, and it’s important that you pay attention to these signs of trouble.
If you just feel like something is missing in your romantic relationship, it’s probably because it is. You can tell yourself all day that you should be happy in the relationship, but if you’re simply not feeling it, it’s probably just in your mind. This scenario is called cognitive dissonance because you know you are not feeling anything about them, yet you lie to yourself that everything is fine.
You should take it seriously, as this discomfort in a relationship has led many people to romantic infidelity in many cases.
2. The Relationship Isn’t What It Used to Be
The honeymoon phase of a relationship is fireworks and butterflies for everyone. It’s normal for this excitement to die down as the relationship progresses, and it doesn’t mean that the relationship isn’t right for you.
However, if you’ve lost playful connections and feel like the person you were dating in the beginning is a stranger to you now, it might mean they were leading you on to get you hooked.It also happens if you idealize them too early with your rose-tinted glasses on. They seem flawless to you, but as time passes, the reality of who they are becomes clearer. It births genuine confusion about your own feelings towards them. Therefore, Dr. John Gottman, a world-famous psychologist, says you should keep your views and expectations about your partner realistic.
These are the prominent signs that you are idealizing your partner too much:
- You have unrealistic expectations of them.
- You overlook their faults or make excuses for their behavior.
- You avoid addressing red flags or conflicts to keep the illusion alive.
- You rely on them entirely for your happiness or self-worth.
The following are some expert tips to help you solve this issue:
- Remind yourself that they are also human beings.
- Don’t put them on a higher pedestal.
- Respect your boundaries and find hobbies outside of the relationship. It should be something that you genuinely love to do.
- Consider yourself as an equal partner in the relationship.
3. You Daydream About Someone Else
Do you catch yourself daydreaming about someone else? If you spend a considerable amount of time thinking about someone other than your partner, it is a sign that you love the fantasy of being with them instead of caring about them.
It might not be a harmful behavior; however, experts don’t support this habit. As it heightens your expectations from the relationship, which can be too unrealistic for the real world.
So, the real question is: are you idealizing someone, or do you really know them? It’s time to examine what these daydreams are really telling you about your needs and desires.
4. You Pay More Attention to Their Words Than Their Actions
Is your partner consistent in a way that their actions match their words, particularly when it comes to showing love? Or, if you’re honest with yourself, do you realize that they say a lot of things but don’t ever really show it through their behavior? It’s easy to tell someone that you love them, but it’s entirely another thing to show someone it.
In fact, a research study done by Frank J. Bernieri concludes that when someone is expressive with their love towards you, you tend to like them more. Even after you understand their personalities, your liking is still influenced by their attractiveness and expressiveness.However, if you notice that your partner says things that make you feel good but doesn’t actually do things that make you feel loved, then something is fishy.
5. You Downplay or Ignore Differences That Matter
When you’re under the spell of someone, it’s easy to ignore or underestimate differences that would keep you apart otherwise. You can deny and minimize core value conflicts and lifestyle differences and hope that love will override everything. But denial, however, can cause major issues later on, creating tensions, conflicts, and eventually breaking up the relationship.
By cultivating a deeper understanding of these potential issues, you will be able to acknowledge and sift through these imbalances. By knowing this, you can create a stronger, genuine relationship with your mate—or decide if the feelings that you think you have are love or merely the perception of love.
6. You’re Envious of Their Other Relationships
When you’re envious of other individuals in your partner’s life, there is a likelihood that you are idealizing the relationship. When you love the fantasy, you become threatened or possessive of their relationships with other individuals.
But real love accepts and values your partner’s whole world, including his/her friends and hobbies beyond you. This jealousy may mean that you are putting too much value on the fantasy rather than the reality and his/her complex life. These emotions can be due to insecurity, fear of losing someone, or unrealistic expectations. Being aware of these emotions will allow you to separate love and infatuation and fix issues or move on with confidence.
Conclusion
Living in a relationship with someone is not linear. It is extremely dynamic. So, you should take some time every few months to reflect on your experience with them. Notice the moments that bring you joy and closeness, and cultivate the vibes of a healthy relationship, such as mutual respect, trust, and open communication. If you observe any red flags, address them as soon as possible by communicating with them. Also, analyze your behavior in the relationship.
Remember that true love requires effort, communication, and a willingness to embrace each other’s authentic selves. Take the time to understand your feelings and those of your partner to create a lasting and meaningful connection.
