4 Ways to Tell if You’re in Love with Them or The Idea of Them

Ways to Tell if You’re in Love with Them or The Idea of Them

It’s all too common for people to stay in relationships where they aren’t sure if they’re truly in love with the person that they’re with. One of the reasons for this is that we try and convince ourselves, either consciously or subconsciously, that someone is right for us when they really aren’t. Sometimes, we’re more in love with the idea of someone than who they actually are.

How to Know if You’re Truly in Love with Them or Just the Idea of Them

If you’re not sure if this is you, we’re here to help by offering a list of 4 ways to tell if you’re in love with them or the idea of them. Take a short break from scheduling your minimally invasive bunion surgery, and let’s get into it.

1. You Feel There’s Something Missing

You Feel There’s Something Missing

Sometimes our gut and our hearts know what our mind doesn’t want to admit. Our intuition is incredibly powerful, and it’s important that you pay attention to it.

If you just feel like something is missing in your relationship, it’s probably because it is. You can tell yourself all day that you should be happy in the relationship, but if you’re simply not feeling it, it’s probably that you’re more in love with the idea of the relationship than the relationship itself.

2. The Relationship Isn’t What It Used to Be

The honeymoon phase of a relationship is fireworks and butterflies for everyone. It’s normal for this excitement to die down as the relationship progresses, and it doesn’t mean that the relationship isn’t right for you.

However, if you feel like the person you were dating, in the beginning, is a complete stranger to you now, it might mean they were leading you on to get you hooked. It’s important to take note of how your current feelings are towards your partner. Otherwise, it might be that you’re in love with the idea of who you thought they were rather than who they actually are.

3. You Daydream About Someone Else

Should you find yourself daydreaming and fantasizing about a relationship with someone else, it’s a pretty big sign that you’re not in love with the person you’re currently with.

While it’s common to have fantasies of being with someone else here and there in a relationship, it certainly shouldn’t be the norm. If you spend a considerable amount of time thinking about someone other than your partner, it might mean that you love the idea of being with someone else as opposed to being in love with who you’re with.

4. You Pay More Attention to Their Words Than Their Actions

Is your partner consistent in a way where their actions match their words? Or, if you’re honest with yourself, do you realize that they say a lot of things but don’t ever really show it through their behavior? It’s easy to tell someone that you love them, but it’s another thing entirely to show someone it.

If you notice that your partner says things that make you feel good but don’t actually do things that make you feel loved, then it might mean you’re in love with the idea of who they tell you they are but not actually in love with whom they show up as.


Differentiating between genuine love and idealization can be challenging, but it is crucial for building and maintaining fulfilling relationships. When you’re in love with someone, you accept them for who they are, including their imperfections. On the other hand, idealization tends to focus on a perfected version of a person, overlooking any shortcomings.

By recognizing the signs discussed in this article, you can gain clarity on your emotions and intentions, allowing you to make informed decisions about your relationships. Remember that true love requires effort, communication, and a willingness to embrace each other’s authentic selves. Take the time to understand your feelings and those of your partner to create a lasting and meaningful connection.

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