Despite our changing society, the subject of divorce is still viewed as something of a taboo. While it’s easy to judge others’ relationships behind closed doors, we’re still somewhat taken aback when the topic of marital breakdown rears its ugly head – and very ugly it can be, at times. If you’re considering ending your relationship, or have recently divorced your spouse, it’s important to recognize that you’re not alone. Sure, divorce can feel like the end of the world as you approach and ride its storm, but we’re here to reassure you that there is a silver lining and a life beyond those clouds.
Life After Divorce
Divorce is so much more than the end of a relationship; it will likely symbolize the end of a big chunk of your life, and call for you to say goodbye to shared experiences, your home, and even friends that you’ve accumulated as a couple. Those facing divorce often have many worries, including financial strains, concerns about mutual friends, and living arrangements – not to mention any children that you might have been raising together. While some concerns are more pressing than others, each one will no doubt hit you like that proverbial ton of bricks. You’ll have questions and fears, of course. However, the most important thing you can do right now is to stop, breathe, and remember that all feelings, however inconsequential, will form an important part of your healing.
It might also help if you can…
Remember why you’re getting a divorce
One of the simplest pieces of advice that we can offer is to remind yourself why you and your partner are getting a divorce. Did you lack common interests? Have you fallen out of love with one another? Was there an instance of infidelity on either side? Had you been a victim of physical or verbal abuse? Those early days following a divorce are often the toughest, but it can really help to focus on the negatives of your previous relationship; why has your marriage failed? Seeking out an answer to such a question will prove cathartic, and put a wealth of worries and misgivings into perspective.
Make yourself a promise
If you’re to discover a life after divorce, it’s essential to make yourself a few promises; namely that you’ll put yourself first for a while, and look after your own best interests. The grieving process that follows a divorce can be consuming if you allow it to be, so take a step back. What makes you truly happy? The most pivotal moment of your divorce will come when you allow yourself to move forward, and stop dwelling on the should haves, might have beens, and wishes – rather than romanticizing the past, look ahead to a brighter future.
Consider your children
While we’ve so far considered the sort of life you might carve out for yourself following a divorce, it’s essential to remember that other family members are likely to be affected by the breakdown of your marriage. We’re talking, of course, about children, who are likely to be lost, confused and fearful as their lives alter irrevocably. Regardless of how you feel about your ex-spouse, communication is vital as you co-parent, or attempt to keep a sense of calm and familiarity for your children’s sakes. You must also be prepared to provide reassurance, and to answer difficult questions with honesty. There is a positive outlook for children of divorce, but they’re likely to undergo the same processes as you during that time.
Discover something new
You know, the reality of divorce does have its benefits; namely that you’ll have a wealth of opportunities to discover something new that you love about yourself and your new circumstances. Fixing and maintaining relationships tends to take a lot of time and energy. Those early days following a divorce, therefore, can be difficult to fill. You may even find yourself lonely, or yearning for a little familiarity. It’s time to create a new normal and to fill your things with a host of new passions that occupy your time. Go out with friends, discover a new passion for dancing or take an art class. Whatever you do, be passionate about life again.
Realize thatthe reality of divorce is what you make of it
Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that your new life is what you make of it. It would be very easy to spend your days hidden away from the world, but you’re unlikely to find happiness in those quiet, dark corners. Those going through divorce are likely to face grief, acceptance and adjustment before finally finding peace, and those feelings and experiences are all perfectly normal. However, the steps that you take to embrace your new life, and reach out to those new adventures will be what define you – not the partner and relationship that you’ve left behind.
The simple answer to this blog’s titular question is ‘yes’, there is life after divorce. Although the healing process comes to us all in different ways, and at a different rate of knots, it is possible to emerge from a divorce as a happier and more fulfilled person than you may have been during the latter stages of your relationship.Remember; your previous relationship and subsequent divorce does not define you. Only you have that honor. We’d like to wish you peace, health and happiness, whatever trials you’re currently facing.